Sh*t Spiral to Love Loop - How To Transform That Mind F*ckery (yea you know what I'm talking about) through Fierce Compassion & Inspired Action

Speaker 1 Oh boy. Well, this one's gonna be rad.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to Masterful Listening. Hi, ay, it is 8 50 PM on Tuesday. Tuesday, January, some. It's uh, you know, those days where you're like, is is it Monday? Is it Tuesday? What's the date? Yeah, today's been one of those days. January 9th, here we go. And what is profound about this particular moment and episode is that it was gonna be a completely different one. It's a completely different topic. I've actually uh kind of planned out and I have a system for what I want to talk about, and which is amazing for me because I've usually just like winged stuff. And yet I was just talking

Speaker 1 with my dear friend Hannah, who this episode is dedicated to. I was talking to her about systems and how important it is to have your own system. You know, I've been saying that as a coach for years. Everyone's trying to copy everyone else's system, but the truth is no one else can have your system. You cannot use anyone else's system effectively because it's theirs, they're different. So it's like take puzzle pieces. You know, I am uh a blend of Liz Gilbert and Jason Mraz and Lao Tzu and Michael Singer and all these humans who inspire me and who I learn from. I watch their system, I

Speaker 1 see what seems really cool, but then I have my own. And trust me, my system, like I usually take notes in four journals at the same time. I write things on my phone, I have actual like paper notes, I have four pens, and like that is not a system that works for other people necessarily. I also have a calendar and a spreadsheet. My system is that of a creative. And typically, as Hanna said, creatives are not always the most organized person you've ever met. However, as long as the system works for them, as long as your system works for you, as long as you are not

Speaker 1 getting stuck and living in your shit spirals, but somehow

Speaker 1 turning them into love loops, that's great, right? So that's what today's gonna be about. How to turn a shit spiral into a love loop. And what I mean by that, if you are hearing the term shit spiral for the first time, uh meaning you've never listened to me say anything because I've said it a lot, the idea it's like mind fuckery. Today was a day of mind fuckery. My mind was fucking with me all day. And this is not a new thing, but it was very surprising because actually the day like started well, and I had uh energy and I was building momentum. I my last

Speaker 1 episode about cold plunging went live and I was excited. It was day six of my plunge, and then I just didn't want to do it, and I didn't want to do it, and I kept not doing it. And I even watched a video, shout out to Andrew Huberman. He was talking about, I think this is the correct name, the anterior frontal cortex. Wow, if that actually is, I'll be very proud of myself. But the point is, even if I fucked that up, the point is there's parts of our brain that when we specifically do hard things, it grows. So that's profound because I was like, wow,

Speaker 1 I was laying in bed with Rad, my doggy, and we're, you know, I'm listening to my own podcast that went live because I always do that because I'm taking notes, I'm learning, I'm reflecting. And then I see his video and I'm thinking, that's exactly it. He even mentioned ice baths. Ice baths are fucking hard, they're so uncomfortable. And he said that if there's someone out there who's doing ice plunges, but they like it, that actually doesn't grow that part of the brain. It has like other physical, physiological benefits. But the point is it has to specifically be things you do not like to do. And I

Speaker 1 don't know about you, but I've pretty much always found a way to get out of doing things I don't like to do. Like it's hard. I always wanted to find like the easier path or the less hard path. And by the way, there's a lot to that as well. But the point is, there's so much growth that comes from doing the hard shit. So here I am, right? I'm like, fuck yeah, I'm on day five. I'm feeling great. I like the episode. I'm like posting his video, and then I am just not wanting to do it. Uh by 7:30 p.m., I had spent almost 12 hours

Speaker 1 in a shit storm, in a shit spiral of, wow, really? You're not gonna do the plunge. You're the plunge girl. You're the you're posting videos about it, you're talking on your podcast about it, and now you're gonna not do it. And of course, that was not me being nice to myself. That is what a shit spiral is. So, first, we're gonna dive in. I'm gonna explain what is a shit spiral? What is the idea of going from a shit spiral to a love loop? And then I'm gonna just share what happened today because I had some other stuff I was gonna talk about, and this seems

Speaker 1 so much more important and relevant and in the moment, and as I always say, if you've listened, pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot. This is a pivot. My day went from being honestly a day that I thought was gonna be like, ugh, well, that's just gonna be one of those days where it's okay, but oh, it changed. Why? I got in the fucking cold plunge, but uh uh, I'll tell you how I got myself into that plunge too, because I really almost said, you know what, fuck it. Take a break. You don't have to do it, but then I chose to still do it. So we're gonna talk

Speaker 1 about how do you know when to actually take a break and have what I call like loving compassion versus when do you have fucking fierce compassion and go, no, you're gonna do this because you're just trying to get out of it because it's hard. But you know that if you do it, you're probably gonna feel better. So you're gonna do it. And I had these two options and I thought about them for 12 hours. I knew also that had I just gotten in the freaking tub in the morning, I wouldn't have had to think all day about it. That is a shit spiral. But before we

Speaker 1 get there, I'm gonna take a breath. I feel like that was like I was very passionate about that uh opening because, well, I'm living it in this moment. It just happened. So, first of all, thank you to Hannah because Hanna also pointed out one other thing that I want to say before I introduce how I'd like you to listen today at Masterful Listening, you know, the world's first super rad listening school that you really want to go to. That's our motto, by the way. I realize I was just saying that kind of for fun at first, but now I say it all the time because this

Speaker 1 is a school. Life is a school. We're students, we're teachers, we're students. When we think we're masters, we're students again, right? So this podcast is hopefully entertaining, and I hope you're loving it and I hope you're learning something. And today we're gonna listen in another masterful way. Uh, but I want to thank Hannah because Hannah said to me, she'd listened to some episodes and she's like, Hey, Svet, can I give you some feedback? And I'm like, Yes, I want it. And she said all kinds of really um just wonderful things, great reflections, super helpful. And then she said, and then there's, you know, one thing uh

Speaker 1 that uh I want to point out, and I could kind of tell it was probably gonna be something like maybe not as good. And I was like, I want to hear. She goes, Well, you know, you say, like, wow, this was so the most profound thing, and this was the best thing. And and I think sometimes it could come off as like, well, if everything is profound and everything is the best, does that lose its meaning? Do you know what I mean? And it, and I heard her. I was like, oh, um, yeah, I I I totally hear that. Like, if you say that everything is

Speaker 1 the greatest thing ever, you know, have you ever known someone who's always like, this is the best thing? You're like, well, it's not really. Is it inauthentic? And I really sat with that and I was like, you know what? Funny enough, no. For me, the reason I say that is I really freaking feel it in that moment. Like the first mantra that I've been saying for the longest is this is it. That those words, it's not like I hadn't heard them before, but I heard that term, this is it, in a program I was in probably about a decade ago. I keep saying all these things

Speaker 1 started about a decade ago. And in that moment, when I heard this is it, I like realized that like where my life was at that moment was not where I wanted it to be. But that was it. And from there, I could just be because this is it is ultimately about presence. The only thing that actually exists in this moment, literally right now, this one that you're in, listening, whenever you're listening to this, and the one I'm sitting in right now, this is the only moment that exists. Most of us are stuck in the past or in the future. We're not here. So when you're in

Speaker 1 the moment and you're having a profound experience, it feels like it's the most profound experience ever, because it's the only thing that's happening. So it was a really cool reflection. And today was truly, I don't know if it was the most profound day I've ever had, but it was a day where I got to freaking, I had a test of will I masterfully listen to my own freaking self? And that is where masterful listening always starts. So as we dive in, I'm gonna invite you again to listen masterfully to the rest of the show. Uh, what does that mean? Well, one, you're listening to my words,

Speaker 1 what I'm saying, how I'm saying it. You're feeling my energy, right? When we listen, it's not just about what people say. It's also what I don't I love when in every episode I'm like, oh my you also listen to what people don't say. You feel the space, meaning you're if you can see them, you're paying attention to their body language. If there's others in the room, what is everyone else saying and not saying, right? The space, the whole space, the whole space and nothing but the space. So help you, God. It's actually really important. Like, are you tuned in to the energy of the space? And

Speaker 1 notice when you get distracted, notice when the distraction is, it could be a positive one, a negative one, it could be an inspired one, and suddenly that's happened to me where I'm listening to something and then I get inspired, and like I'm off in a different reality, and then I have to bring myself back. And you might have missed something. That's fine. The cool thing with a podcast is you can rewind it in our conversations. It's hard to rewind sometimes. So it is really important to be able to just notice, oh, I'm distracted, bring yourself back because people can feel that. So I always say I

Speaker 1 like podcasting more than talking to most humans because the podcast literally cannot interrupt me at the wrong time. Whereas other people, when I see they're distracted and I'm saying something really meaningful to me, that doesn't feel good. You know what I mean? Maybe that, maybe I'm the only one who has that little bit of a slight. I guess still trigger around it because it it's much the triggers way less triggering than before, but there's still a little hint part of me that's like, wow, you don't care about what I'm saying. You're completely off on your phone or in your head. So again, that's why I'm doing

Speaker 1 this. This masterful listening experience school podcast is I I genuinely believe that listening is such an important skill, maybe the most important one. And it starts with listening to you. When you know how to listen to yourself and the right parts of yourself, then you can listen masterfully to others. And most people think of listening as an outward thing, right? Like you're listening to this podcast. That's great. I'm super grateful, by the way, for you, whoever is listening. That's really cool that you're spending your time. So that's the other thing. Check in. Are you really interested? Are you genuinely curious? Are you excited by what's about

Speaker 1 to happen? Can you feel it? Because that's the best way to listen. It's like, again, if you're gonna tell a story, you might as well make it a good story. If you're gonna listen to one, you might as well enjoy it, right? And it's funny, I set up um another video of this video and recording. And so now I've noticed that, oh, I'm on camera to the left of me and I got distracted for a second. That's the point. Bring yourself back. So that was my invitation, how to listen. Listen fully. And there was one other thing I think I thought about before as I was

Speaker 1 planning this in the shower after my cold plunge that I wrote down. And I'm looking at my note. And I wonder if there was another way that I wanted you to listen specifically to this one. Hmm. No, I think I said what I what I really wanted to invite. Genuine curiosity, fierce attention to everything. The words, between the words, the lack of words, the tone. If you're watching the video, there's a lot you can see right now. Just listening to someone's space, what the art on their walls, you know, the things they're wearing. We're always telling stories, often when we're not even saying a word. But

Speaker 1 if we're using words, it's great to use them intentionally. And that starts with how you're speaking to yourself. So shit spiral to love loop. I've been saying this for a while. I don't know where this exact mantra came, but it was a few months ago. Funny enough, I think I was talking to my producer. Shout out to Gogo, um, my producer of this podcast. And I I've been saying this term shit spiral, shit spiral for years. As a coach, often people get stuck in their shit spirals and I interrupt them. That is what I'm paid to do. And I said, man, but like you could totally

Speaker 1 turn a shit spiral into a love loop if you and I was like, oh, I saw the visual. Literally, imagine a spiral going down and then imagine a loop going up. Shit spiral means you are spiraling down in your mind. Here was my shit spiral of today. And I'm gonna tell you how it truly, and I'm kind of amazed because I was not thinking this was gonna work today, but then I just did it anyway. And then it did. And when I say I did it, it was the cold plunge, but that's just my version of this. It doesn't have to be yours. I watched a

Speaker 1 shit spiral go from that to a love loop. A shit spiral is the idea that I woke up and I was kind of tired. So I could feel that I was kind of tired, and then I was kind of annoyed at myself that I was tired. And then because I was tired and then annoyed with the tired, I kind of got sad that I hadn't done the thing. And then the sadness made me a little angry, and then the anger made me a little tired. And so that's the shit spiral. It's when you have a feeling, an experience that's on the negative, like lower vibrational side.

Speaker 1 I would say those are, again, they're not bad feelings. They're not, they're actually feelings we must honor, but they're not the feelings that uplift you, they spiral you. So the tiredness made me angry or annoyed, which made me sad, which made me angry, which made me anxious, which made me sad. Shit spirals are the reason that people end up in depressions, like what happened to me for a long time. If you really get caught in a shit spiral, it can really spiral you out of control. That is a real thing. Love loops, on the other hand, is I think what happens when you catch the spiral.

Speaker 1 And the first step when you catch the spiral is you gotta first slow it down and stop it so that you can then reverse directions and move up. I think I mentioned in some other episode the metaphor that came to me was if you're, you know, on a mountain bike and you're just like flying down a mountain, you're just like biking really fast and hard, and then you realize for some reason you gotta like switch gears and literally turn around. First, you have to somehow safely come to a stop or slow down enough that you can turn around safely and go the other direction without fucking

Speaker 1 flying off the bike and getting hurt, like in life. So when you first catch yourself in that spiral, the first thing is like, oh, here I am again, awareness. So I noticed I was in a shit spiral today. I by one of the things they say is it's never too late to start your day. It's never too late to start your life. That really is a mantra that has been a pivotal one for me. And by three o'clock, I thought, well, okay, I could plunge now. Cause I was thinking about this. I was like, I'm gonna do it. I'm on day six of my cold plunge

Speaker 1 commitment. And when I'm on these, like, what would I call them? I've gone on these very long ritual commitments of swimming, and they've usually had to do with water, either swimming or cold plunging. It's been part of my healing. And when I'm in one of those episodes of that, meaning like I'm doing it daily, I freaking do it daily. That in itself taught me that I'm actually a lot more disciplined than I thought because the person who I was not a morning person, and I quit so many jobs and so many relationships that my story was I am like, I can't commit to anything, I'm not

Speaker 1 disciplined. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. That's a shit story. Actually, yeah, I didn't commit to the humans or the jobs full term or long term, but I committed to me and listening to when I was like, uh-uh, this isn't right. And then when I committed to the swimming, I would wake up at 5:30 in the morning and swim before I had to then drive to Apple. I remember I was at the time. I was working at iTunes. It was a super cool project, but I quit that because I actually didn't want to commute for three hours a day for any job. That's

Speaker 1 why you got to know what's important to you, right? And so I was swimming at that time. I was, it was in that time. And so no matter what, I made it happen. So here today on day six, I was like, okay, I know I'm gonna do it, but I I can do it any time in the day. And I knew that if I had just gotten it out of the way in the morning, I would have been like, wow, I did the thing. And just doing anything that I say I'm gonna do feels good. You know what I mean? Like, think of yourself. How often

Speaker 1 do you keep promises to yourself or commitments like you do for others? So if you had a meeting with your boss or someone you're working with, and you'd probably show up. But have you ever said, okay, at noon I'm gonna work on my own project, or at noon I'm gonna put my laundry away and then been like, well, I can do it later. Yeah. Story of my life. It's really important to keep commitments to yourself, which is why, again, these times of these, these commitments I make for like, I'm doing this every day. And I said every day this year, I'm cold plunging. I got a

Speaker 1 cold plunge, it's right here at my house. I have literally no excuse, but I can choose to change my mind, right? I could choose to take a day off, for example, because I was really feeling shitty. I had cramps, it was raining. I thought, well, maybe I'll do like do five days and then take a six day off. So the point is, I was spinning in my head till 6 p.m. about this cold plunge. And then I realized while walking rad, um,

Speaker 1 and realizing that I somehow in the middle of our beautiful paved neighborhood stepped in shit. Literally, some dog, and you know, I can have compassion. Maybe someone didn't have their doggy bags, but literally I stepped in shit. I'm already having a shitty day. Ha ha. It's 6 p.m. I haven't done my plunge. I am feeling like a fraud because I was just talking about the importance of doing hard things and that I'm trying to get out of it, and yet I'm also like, Well, I just figured finished a compassion program uh and I'm Maybe let me be nicer to myself through this. Like I'm having a

Speaker 1 hard day. So that was the first thing. I caught the shit spiral super quickly. Like I wasn't even that upset. I just was like, ugh, I feel blue. So what did I do? I started my process. And the thing that I'd invented or created through my compassion program was something called the compassion pill. And I didn't exactly take it, but I kind of took it without the pill part. It's a vitamin. The point is, is that when you notice in a moment of like stress or shit spiraling, uh, trigger, anxiety, overwhelm, whatever that moment is, when you notice that, to in that moment just

Speaker 1 take a few deep breaths, like really just see, like, wow. So I'm walking, trying to scrape the shit off my shoe. It's dark. It's cold. I haven't gotten in the cold plunge. And guess what? I do not want to. I've been freezing all day. I live on top of like a mountain basically in Sausalito in the coldest part. It's called Hurricane Gulch. It's where the fog rolls in and it's beautiful, but it's 10 degrees colder than the rest of the city. And while I normally like that, on a day where I'm kind of sick and feeling crappy and want to keep a cold plunge commitment, and

Speaker 1 my hands have felt frozen even inside my house all day. Um it really, I did not want to do it. But I was upset in a way with myself. I was a bit like judgmental. And then I was like, why are you doing this? I started like going deeper and deeper. So I have a few questions I'm gonna share that I asked myself that I'd love for you to maybe write these down so that the next time you're in a shit spiral and you're trying to figure out, okay, do I push through and do the thing? Or do I maybe take a break? Maybe I let

Speaker 1 myself off the hook. I always say, I kind of joke about this as a coach, but it's not really a joke. I say, I can do both. As a coach, I will kick the shit out of you. I mean, in terms of challenge the shit out of you, or I will hold you gently like that cosmic mother and allow you and join you in your tears and your grief and all it's just when to do which one, okay? Sometimes we need someone to say no or keep going. Yeah, you could do it. Fuck yeah, like do not quit, right? I am a great coach in that

Speaker 1 way. But sometimes you need someone to just fucking give you a hug and hold you and say nothing. That's what I've learned because that's what I've needed, and I never got that. So I think I'm always trying to kind of give that to others, and that's part of this healing work too. We, in a shit spiral, need to somehow shift it into something that is serving us and spiraling down into shit, literally, or walking in it. Like I, the universe literally put that shit, that poop in front of me, I think, to show me that okay, now I am literally walking through shit. And so, what

Speaker 1 am I gonna do? I could either spend the rest of the freaking night sitting around and thinking about this fucking cold plunge, or I could just fucking get into it. So, what would happen if I got into it? And this leads me to the questions I asked myself. The first one I really asked myself in that moment was okay, now that I see what's happening, I'm feeling all this shit, doesn't feel good. What really matters to me right now? What is the most important thing to me in this moment?

Speaker 1 And what came to me as the answer was, what matters to me is keeping my own word and doing doing what I said I will do if I can do it. Meaning, if I was really so sick that I felt I couldn't physically get up and make it to that tub, I would have thought, well, of course, then take a break. It's okay. I don't believe in pushing our ourselves so hard that we break. And the reason I don't believe in that is because I did that. I did that four times in my life where I did snap. And guess what? You can even freaking snap

Speaker 1 and come back together even stronger as I have, but it hurts. It's harder. So I checked in with what really mattered, and what really mattered, I think, what was bugging me the most was that I didn't just fucking get it out of the way knowing it would feel better. I started questioning, well, maybe it wouldn't help tonight. And yet, if you listen to the last episode, which I hope you do, and if I've listened to my whole life, I know that cold plunging makes everything better. It makes cramps better, and I had cramps. It wakes you up and gives you energy, and I was freaking tired.

Speaker 1 I was supposed to record a podcast tonight, a different one, by the way. I was gonna record one about how I traveled the entire world in my 20s with no money because I, funny enough, when listening to another episode, thought, man, I'm often saying like, and then I uh ran off to Europe and blah, blah, blah. I spent months here. And I just thought, I wonder if people think I'm just some like, I don't know, how do I keep doing all that? I wanted, I think, to share the story of how, you know, being a refugee immigrant and not having a lot of resources always made

Speaker 1 me super resourceful and allowed me to do, because I chose, to do the things I really wanted to do, which in my 20s was travel the world. And I thought that'd be inspiring because it's a masterful listening tool, actually. I really listened to myself and to whoever felt like was serving what I wanted to do. That felt like the episode. But then after the day, and after I got home, and after I had this awareness of what matters to me now, and I realized I'm just gonna do the thing because maybe I'm right, and 10 years of research show that it will make me feel better.

Speaker 1 And then I did the thing and I got in the freaking cold plunge. And I got that's why I'm making this episode tonight, because first of all, I can't even believe that I am the same person that was alive today in my body because my energy did completely shift. But more than that, and what was so interesting, and where the love loop part comes in, is typically when I get in the cold plunge within, like, you know, the first 30 seconds, one minute are the hardest, especially right now, since I did it at seven at night, it's colder. So it's colder outside. It was about 47

Speaker 1 degrees, and then it's about 47 degrees water. Very cold. And, you know, I'd had a hard emotional day. Um, so today, the entire time I was in there, like the 13 minutes, I usually do about three songs. I was freezing the whole time. Usually I don't feel cold after the first minute or so. I just sort of adjust. So today, the actual plunge was even more uncomfortable than normal. And damn, when I got out of it, even when I was in it, I was like so glad I did it. And I thought, wow, you spent 12 hours in a shit spiral that you could have just

Speaker 1 looped around if you'd done it. But I wasn't mad at myself anymore because I was out of the shit spiral. That's the difference, is that when you catch yourself being specifically disappointed with your own self, whether it's something you said or did or something you feel to finally be like, and here I am. And look, I did it. I did it at seven at night after a shitty day, literally. That's kind of more awesome than had I done it in the morning. Because maybe if I did it this morning, I would have just had a great day and would have recorded the travel episode, and that

Speaker 1 would have been cool. And I'll do that anyway. But the point is, this felt truly profound because I mean, it's so meta. I masterfully listened to my own experience and I asked myself the next question, which if you are taking notes, I would write down. After what matters now on the walk home, I also said, how will I feel tomorrow with the two options that I have in front of me? And the two options were I either get in the cold plunge when I get home, because also my body was a little warmed up from the walk. So like I thought maybe it'd be a little

Speaker 1 easier, just get out of the way. Or sit on your couch, chill, eat the food you ordered, because I hadn't eaten much today, paint, you know, be with Rad. Like, those are your two options for tonight. And I realized that I think I would feel better tomorrow if I fucking did the cold plunge. And that's another reason I chose to do it. So this brings me to this next point. I've had a lot of people ask me, okay, so like I love the idea of this switching, you know, your energy, moving the shit spiral to love loop is basically just another way of saying razor vibration.

Speaker 1 But like, how do you know what the right answer is? Like, how do you know what's your gut, what's your heart, what's your head, right? Because again, mind, the mind fucks with us. The other title for today was mind fuckery 2.0. So how do you know whether your head is talking to you or your heart or your gut? Because it could get confusing, and um, the voices in our head could be tricksters and could convince you of all kinds of things. Like my voices are definitely tricksters because I'm also an expert salesperson. And I actually realized this year that I think I've been selling myself on

Speaker 1 a lot of things in my own life, convincing myself that like they're actually good for me when I know they're not, but I'm such a good salesperson that I started to believe it. Same thing with a shit spiral. If you are sad and then really angry and then really frustrated and then really anxious and then more sad, has that ever happened to you? Have you ever had a stacking of dark, heavier emotions? Yeah, it's really hard to get out of that place because you keep doing it. So as soon as you become aware, that is the time to breathe and then ask some questions. And once

Speaker 1 I ask the question of what matters now, or another one, another version of that is like, what's really here? And you get quiet, and that's where you literally, I would send all of your focus from like your face and your head from that chakra, from the brain, from the mind down, send it into your belly. Like almost you can visually, I'm imagining like an elevator starting in your like third eye above your eyes, down into your heart and belly, and from there ask what matters now? What's this really about? And then just sit with that for a second and see what comes up from that place.

Speaker 1 That I will I don't like to guarantee many things, but I can almost certainly guarantee that that answer is gonna be a lot more authentically the gut, which never lies. Uh, the heart, which could be confused, but still that's real. The mind is a fucking liar a lot of the time. So I always trust the gut, and I definitely consider the heart, and then I question the mind. It's like, yeah, trust the gut, consider the heart, and question the mind. That's another mantra that I like that just came out of my mouth right now. I'm gonna write it. See, maybe you write it too if you

Speaker 1 like it. Trust and the pen doesn't work, of course. Well, luckily, I have another pen right here. Let's repeat that. Trust the gut. Okay. Consider the heart. Yeah. Because the heart feels, and feelings are all valid, but you also want to be careful with those because feelings are not facts. You don't want to only be making decisions based on your feelings, because as someone who did that also a long time, I would say that could cause some other issues. And question the mind. And when I mean that, it means, or when I say that, it means it doesn't mean it's wrong, but don't believe everything you

Speaker 1 think. Because a lot of that shit is not only wrong, it's just fucking mean, inaccurate, doesn't serve you. Take the stuff that does, leave the rest, and then you're gonna loop up in love. And what helps you get clear, good questions. There's gonna be another episode called Ask Great Questions, get great answers. Ask shitty questions, ruin your life. You know, the the questions we ask ourselves matter. So, in order to tell one simple tool what's real, what's the gut, what's the head, what's the heart. The other thing I would consider to help you in the next time, maybe you're like, oh, is this my gut or

Speaker 1 is this my mind? Is the head thinks that it knows. The heart just feels, right? And the gut knows, doesn't think it knows, it knows. Sometimes we just know in life, you know what I mean? Like, you don't know what you don't know until you know, you know. Like you meet someone, you're just like, oh, I just know this is an important person. You might not even know exactly why. People have often said, with like when I've I've met couples sometimes and they just seem like just such a super rad couple, and I'm like, how'd you guys meet? You know, and that I've heard people be

Speaker 1 like, I just met them and I knew that. Um, but there's different versions of that. The point is the gut knows. So if you find yourself thinking about, is this, is this it, if the if the question starts with, is this what I really want? I'm not sure. I would say probably no. Because if it was a yes, you would just know. It'd just be like a fuck yeah, right? Like I do believe in most things. If it's not a fuck yeah, then it's a no or a maybe, but that's still not a fuck yeah. So breathe and then tune in to like visually breathe in

Speaker 1 that elevator, go to your belly, and then see what it says. The gut is the knowing, the head is the thinking it knows. That's the distinction, okay? Yes. Because I've had so many questions come up about that, and I even think that sometimes I'm like, is this this or is this that? I think anytime you're overthinking something, it's a sign that you're too much in your head. And then you want to go down, go down. I've never seen situations where moving out of a state of rumination and overthinking into the heart and gut ever hurt. It always helps. All of them are tools and muscles. No

Speaker 1 one to use the mind, no one to use the heart, always use the gut however you feel you know is right for you. It's the whole point. Intuition, I think, is the most powerful muscle that most people don't realize you can even train, but you gotta start trusting yourself. So, good questions. What do I really need? Write that question down. There's the things we want, there's the things we need, there's the must-haves and the nice to haves. Are you chasing your nice to haves or your must-haves? Great example of that is in relationships. I was like, oh wow, that person is so attractive. I love their

Speaker 1 tattoos. That's a nice to have. Okay. The must-have is like, wow, that person is a really stable, grounded human being, really making a difference in the world. That to me is actually a must-have in a partner, more than the tattoos, but they're nice. Uh, for work, it's wow, I want a really amazing office and like a super cool location. And it's like just all these cool free snacks versus um I want to be at my office in 10 minutes or at home. I'm not willing to commute. Like people have different nice to haves and must-haves. For someone like me, I don't care what the office is.

Speaker 1 If I have to commute for more than a half an hour, I'm not doing it. It doesn't work for me. Meaning like consistently every day. I would go in and I do to companies. I'll even travel, I'll fly to a different city to lead a workshop for a few days, but that is not my everyday routine because it doesn't work for me. So for me, a must-have is flexibility and the perks are nice to have, but some people are like completely different. That's the point. How did we start? Systems. Find your system. My shit spiral to love loop system, which I want to share because it's

Speaker 1 like so awesome. I can't believe I'm gonna catch that. I can believe that I'm ending the day this way. And I really a few hours ago, I wish I had made another video then so you could just see and feel how my energy shifted. And I'm feeling so many things. Uh, first, I'm feeling gratitude for Andrew Huberman because I saw that video this morning about doing hard things and growing your brain. And I'm so grateful to myself for actually getting that episode out last night on time and on schedule, and for listening to it this morning and for really being inspired enough to go inward, notice

Speaker 1 the shit storm I was in, have compassion. They're like, yeah, I'm still human. Just because you're a podcaster and a coach and a teacher or whoever you are doesn't mean you're not completely in the same game. And I was nice to myself through it. Holy shit, that's like that fierce compassion that I talk about. Like I kind of gently and lovingly kicked my own ass and it worked, guys.

Speaker 2 It worked.

Speaker 1 It worked because this recording is happening and this one's gonna launch on time. And I really hope it helps you because we all have shit spirals, but we can all have love loops. And the only way to get out of prison is to first realize you're in prison. So the only way to get out of a shit spiral is to first be like, oh, I am spiraling in this mindfuckery. And I'm cursing a lot more in this episode than ever before because that was really the energy of the day. It's like my day hadn't really begun till 7 p.m. And what do I say? It's never

Speaker 1 too late to start your day. The three mantras that I've lived uh into, like I feel like I am the mantra at this point. And now I see that again. What are they? A no is a yes to something better, and I am exactly perfectly on time. This is it. The no of plunging in the morning was a yes to a way more profound experience of getting to it at 7 p.m. and then sharing it because I am exactly perfectly on time. It's 9:33 p.m. Love that number, 3-3. Uh that's the perfect time for me to wrap this up. And this is it. This is it.

Speaker 1 Okay. I I named my company This Is It Enterprises because truly I see that tattoo on my right arm every day. This is it. Wherever you are in your life right now, this is it. And if you love your life, I'm so happy that you're in that state. Really, I hope you keep feeling into like, wow, this is it. Appreciate it, have that gratitude. Gratitude. I always say I am so humbled by life because I've been in so much pain for so long, for so many times of my life. In the last decade, I'd say 40% of it, four out of 10 years, I'd say I

Speaker 1 was in deep pain way more than like gratitude. And yet it was the gratitude of like, but you know what? This is it. Okay. I don't like that I'm here. And so if you like where you're at, I always say, don't forget, don't take that for granted. Because it could shift real fast, right? Just like we can shift up, we can shift down. So I just always wake up grateful now because I know what it's like to have the hardest thing in your day be getting out of bed. Right? So if you're well, back to that, great. Celebrate it. This is it. And remember, the next

Speaker 1 time you're in a shit spiral, because you probably will be at some point because you're human, um, love loop it up. Breathe, ask some questions. And if you're in the shit spiral right now and you're like, oh my God, maybe I'll listen to this podcast and it'll help. Fuck yeah, I really hope it did. I hope it does. So the next time or right now, even through this, notice your breathing. Notice your thoughts. Grab a pen and paper, get them out of you, write them down. It's called shit journaling. I'm going to do another episode this season about that. Just putting stuff down on paper literally

Speaker 1 gets it out of your head. And then ask yourself some questions like I did today. What really matters now? What's really present? Maybe even underneath that initial feeling. And then what's gonna make me feel good tomorrow? I love that one. What will serve me more? Again, what do I really need? And then take that elevator from your head into your, you know, down your throat, into your heart, into your belly. It'll tell you and then listen to it. And then let's let's say you do that and you get the thing and you still don't do it. Love yourself fiercely. Hold yourself and hug yourself like you

Speaker 1 were hugging a baby or your dog, some being that you love, because sometimes we can do all the fucking work and still not do the thing and kind of have a choice in are we gonna now kick ourselves more, or are we gonna have compassion and try again tomorrow? Because if I hadn't plunged, I would have just chilled with rad, probably stayed more sad and tired, fallen asleep, and I would have gotten in there tomorrow, I think. Cause the reason I now keep commitments to myself and love myself, and yeah, I'm just treating myself more like my own best friend is because, well, I've learned that's

Speaker 1 the only way that shit spirals actually turn into love loops. So no more kicking ourselves when we're down, when you're feeling like shit, and you step in shit. You can also choose to, okay, loop it up, give yourself a hug. However, you need that compassion, whether it's loving or fierce, it's all good. And um I really hope you can start turning some of those shit spirals into some love loops because it's super cool. Now that I see that it works, it's like, wow. And the thing is, you never think it's gonna work because you're in a shit spiral. That's why you just gotta do it. I

Speaker 1 think I've said the word shit spiral about 17,000 times this episode, so that's awesome. And let's check in. How was that? How are you feeling? How's your energy right now? That's what I'm curious about. Like, how'd you come into this episode and how are you leaving? If you came in in a shit spiral, are you looping up a little more? Did you go the other way? However, you are, just start paying attention as your homework this week. And if you catch yourself in a spiral, can you first have awareness of, oh, I'm in a shit spiral? Note that down. Extra bonus homework, write it down. Start

Speaker 1 tallying how often you notice a shit spiral, and then see if in that moment, with a few questions, you can take that elevator down, down, down from your head and your brain, where it can get really confusing real fast into your heart and your gut. See what your belly tells you about, what will serve me more in this moment, what matters to me now, keeping thinking and thinking and stressing, or getting in the cold water, taking a hot shower, sitting my butt in that chair and sending that email, calling that person, whatever you choose. There's no wrong choice because when is now. Now is the time

Speaker 1 that you're alive, that you're doing things. So if you made a choice, you made a choice. Choose your choice. And then if you realize you don't like the choice you made, or you've been not liking the choices you've been making, you know what's awesome about that? You're the one that gets to change that. Choose another choice. And I know I make it sound easy sometimes. This is the hardest stuff. But as we've learned, when you do hard things, your brain grows. And hopefully, if you wake up tomorrow, as I hope most of us will, we get to try it again. You know?

Speaker 1 Thank you for listening. And notice now at the end what are some takeaways you have from today? And subscribe, okay? If you want to shit spiral into love loops, you must subscribe to Masterful Listening. Actually, you don't must, right? You don't have to do anything, love. You can choose to do things. You don't have to do shit, I always say. You can choose to do the things you want to do. You can choose to be nicer to yourself if you haven't been so nice to yourself. And I know what that's like. You can choose to support people's work. You can choose not to. You can choose

Speaker 1 to listen masterfully or not.

Speaker 1 See you next time.

Speaker 2 Long pause.